Eating Junk

Every time I decide I am going to lose
weight, I end up doing everythng in my power
to make sure that doesn't happen (today: spicy
chicken sandwich from Wendy's--and fries, too).
I just have zero willpower or desire. Even though
my BP needs to go down (and cholesterol too, most
likely), and weight, I just keep hurting me.

I was so sick last week. I discovered I was not an
alcoholic. I didn't crave a drink, and I certainly
didn't want one. Nor did I crave a smoke. But,
by last Saturday, when I started feeling better,
I drank and I smoked and I've been doing it since.

I had such resolve during my sickness and such
confidence that I had turned a very necessary
and meaningful corner in my life. But alas, I
could not sustain the feeling that I could be free.

So, I continue to punish myself. I don't understand
why I have not grown weary of this.

Time to get back to work.