Really Should Refrain


...from posting while intoxicated. Ruinous.
Disastrous (as evidenced by the post beneath this one).

*

It's strange today. The house is far too quiet. The only
sound the keys responding to my touch. A. is gone.
Her plane should have landed 1/2 hour ago. It's been
such an intense summer with her. Her mother thinks
I am relieved that she is gone. Unburdened. Her mother
can't know what I know and have seen all summer.
Her mother doesn't mean anything negative when she
says things like, "I know you're ready for her to go. I know
you must be under a great deal of pressure."

And I have been under a great deal of pressure, and A. and I
have been around one another every day (except for 3 days
in July) since 6/03. I miss her and will miss her. I have to
believe she is well enough now to move on. Her meds are
working, but now depression is rearing its ugly head. That's
generally how it goes. Get rid of the mania and psychosis,
and there's good old depression waiting to take you down.
I know she can do this. I know she can finish college, make new
friends, hold down a job, engage in intelligent conversations,
make sound decisions. I also know she is still vulnerable
and unsure.

Wes is gone today, too. Matter of fact, I was all alone last
night. It's a good thing some friends came over, and then
I went to J's house and stayed until 3 or so this morning.

I have had a child at home since 1978. This is going to be a huge
adjustment for me.

*

I am working on getting Dorianne Laux here to read in the fall.
I've contacted her and contacted the assistant professor at the
community college. I am hopeful it all works out. I would so
love to hear her read and to spend some time with her.

*

Need to get back outside and work, but it's 93 and humid, so
I think I'll wait until it cools down a little. I mowed this afternoon,
but I still need to weed the back gardens and plant some things.
Bout some heather, lantana, sedum, and coneflowers for one
of the side gardens. I must get them planted today, but I need
to lie down for a little while. Blood sugar's dropping or something.
Too much liquor last night!